But I bet you are quiet and rarely ask more than once for what you want. Time to ask yourself what these people tell you about yourself.Īnd what about a co-worker who seems too outspoken and pushy? You can tell yourself you don’t want to be anything like them, and that their behavior is unacceptable. Have you ever judged someone? Have you ever thought something nasty about a person of a different race, religious persuasion, or political party? Have you “unfriended” someone on Facebook who had opinions with which you didn’t agree? Have you ever wanted to be heard or noticed so badly that you felt as if you’d do just about anything? Do you have strong religious convictions-so strong that you try to live by them every day in every way possible? Then, you could be a terrorist under the right conditions.ĭon’t think you’re prejudiced? Think again.
You may think someone like a terrorist couldn’t reflect anything to you about yourself. Knowing this about myself, I am more forgiving of my child’s tendency to be negative. No wonder my child’s negativity grates on me! It’s a reflection of the fact that I am doing the exact same thing in my own way-even though I wish I weren’t. In short, I’m negative and don’t control my negative self-talk-even though I work hard to be positive. I sometimes think I’m not good enough, a bad person, too outspoken, not demonstrative enough, a fake, or a failure. And then, each time I send him an email, I am convinced I’m just annoying him further. I read into email responses from a team member and tell myself he is angry with me. I tell myself I have less spiritual connection as my girlfriend-and maybe I never will be or don’t deserve to be. All the same, I allow my negative thoughts to get the best of me in those situations.Īlso, I may talk about positivity-and even speak positively-but in the background, my thoughts are negative. If that’s not negativity, what is? I focus on the worst that could happen-and usually try to find solutions to avoid that outcome. I don’t want to create what I don’t want, so I focus on what I do want…or so I thought.Īs I looked into the reflection he provided, I realized that I, too, can be negative…really negative…in some situations.
His negativity makes super angry and upset because I strive to be positive and believe our thoughts are creative. He doesn’t want to be let down, and so he thinks the worst rather than the best. I then read Ford’s book for the second time, and I started using mirroring every time someone upset me.įor example, one of my kids tends toward negativity. I’d all but forgotten to practice mirroring until a friend of mine began talking about seeing herself in others. Or it could be a characteristic you lack but wish you owned. What you see in the mirror could be a trait you dislike in yourself or don’t want to admit you possess. The basic principle of mirroring is simple: Anyone who triggers judgment or emotion in you-a co-worker, your child, your spouse, terrorists, school shooters, thieves, liars, people of color, those who practice a specific religion, the guy who cuts you off in traffic, a rude waitress, or your sibling-reflects something to you about yourself. However, mirroring has been a strategy used in personal development for years. And it’s a super simple one almost anyone can use without a lot of assistance or training. What is Mirroring?ĭebbie Ford discussed mirroring in her book, The Dark Side of the Light Chasers, although she didn’t call it that. The more you can to see yourself in others, the more accepting and loving you become of them-and of yourself. The concept of mirroring provides a way to debunk the belief that you are different than those people you don’t like, judge as “bad,” or believe are different in some way.
If they couldn’t find it, they were asked to determine if that characteristic was one they lacked but would benefit them in some way. Then, they were asked to find the same characteristic-no matter how much they did not want to admit they possessed it. If someone in their lives or certain types of people consistently brought up strong judgment or emotion within them, their assignment was to look carefully at themselves. I challenged them to see in the mirror the part of themselves reflected by other people-especially those who triggered them in some way. I gave all the participants small hand-held mirrors, but their task went beyond looking at their reflections. Years ago, I taught a class on mirroring.
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